Feb. 15th

Here's a quick snippet. I will try to write more of these, as a garnish per se.

So this week has been one of my confused uninspired weeks. I'm not exatly alarmed, as I have had these throughout my life. Annoying nonetheless. I have not been inspired by music much this week. Just don't feel like playing it. I think I found a drummer for the band in the making, so that seems promising. Jon and I will meet up with him next weekend.
Work sprung a performance by our kindergarten students on us yesterday, it takes place tomorrow (Saturday). I thought that was a bit short notice, but hey, they rarely tell us anything until the very last minute, so no big change. It does destroy my Korean language class term, which is what I am most bummed about. Because I missed last Saturday's class, and I have to miss this Saturday's, I won't be able to continue on in this course. They are not running this course at this languge school next month, so I'm not sure if I can pull off the self study enough to start the next level course. I am experiencing periods of frustration and reward with Korean. I am learning vocab, and understanding more, but I feel so far from being able to express myself in this langauge. Forming complete sentences is rather difficult. This week is one where I feel progress is slow, and I am impatient to speak. The process seems absolutely daunting.
Girls, they confuse the hell out of me. The ones I want to be serious about are slow and indecisive, the ones who want to be serious with me, I compare to the former, and can't commit to because it always seems like at any minute I am about to be completely intimate and serious with well,....Yumi. I spent Valentines evening with her. Our times are haunted by the lingering "what are we going to do?" It's sort of like we've come to a river after a long walk, and we have to decide whether we should cross to get to our destination, or head back. Currently, we are walking alongside the river and dipping our feet in it waters. I, being the impatient fool I am, have thought about heading back and starting a new hike, but there is a beautiful mountain on the otherside, and the view from the top is tempting me. Meanwhile, there are many mountains here in Korea, and still mountains back home where I wish to return. I don't really know how much longer I will keep rolling up my pant legs and going shin deep, only to return to the familiar bank. Yesterday, Yumi couldn't explain to me in English how she feels, so she said "I'm just gonna tell you in Korean even though I know you can't understand" I listened for 2 minutes, nonethewiser. I said, "Did you just say you just want to be friends? It's ok if so", "No, I didn't" No further explanation. Just the parting words as we rushed to catch our last buses. "I don't want to leave you now", "nado(me too) yumi". Other girls are so simple, but so much less inspiring. Bjork is tomorrow, it should be great, we will end up spending 12 hours together which is nice, but I doubt there will be a serious headway in the great quagmire of where are we?, where are we going? Meanwhile there are two really cute girls who live closer and want a serious boyfriend, like yesterday.
I love reading still, it's better than most things. I think about moving back to the states next year often, but my reasons are all confused, and thus I am torn. Where will I move? New York? San Diego?, San Fran?, Cambridge?!!?! No not Cambridge. There are reasons to go any of these places, as well as to come back to Seoul, and an equal number of reasons not to. What a shamefully confused lad you are shithead. I think my biology is tormenting me. Well I'm off to my favorite class in 10 minutes, so I bid thee farewell. I shouldn't go out tonight, but I probably will, why? Hedonism folks, hedonism and the avoidance of loneliness.

Until Sunday